I’ll Only Give Up, When You Give In

I wonder if you think that I

am as witless as I feel,

falling to my knees and begging you for forgiveness

and purpose;

never realizing that when we first met

you had given to me all of the blatant certainty

I would ever need.

I wonder too, If I’ve ever made you as happy

as you have made me,

but then I think, “Of course,

there was I time that I must have.”.

Even though, I know I haven’t.

That realization, although sober, biting,

has never,  will never

stop me from trying.

Maybe that is just another facet

that makes us different,

but more likely,

it is the only thing about the two of us

that is the same.

 

Don’t Think Too Hard

Sometimes I wonder

 

if his eyes had been

as wide as his smile

then maybe he would have seen

how much he meant to me

 

and if his words beat

as loud as his heart screamed

then maybe I would have heard

what he meant to say.

 

In the end, I’m sure

that we never could have know

the potency of the passion

that had broken our hearts

 

but healed our bones.

 

Some Mistakes Aren’t Mistakes At All

I’m beginning to think that you’re more distinct than I had originally given you credit for.

I don’t know what it is, or was, about you but it sits still sweetly at the tip of my tongue as if you had never used yours to manipulate and reject me.

When I think about all the others my brain hurriedly fills with regret and my face contorts in a cringe that only comes with the kind of mistake that doesn’t change anything but the way you feel about yourself.

And no, you’re not the only one that doesn’t make my stomach wretch, my eyes shut tight, my brain struggle to block the slideshow of mortification, but you are the only one that I had gone so far with and given so much to without hesitation and can still stand firmly on the crumbling foundation of our past.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that wishing I had never been with them and wishing I had never met you are different in the ways that one would have kept me from having the opportunity to make some bad decisions and the other would have saved me from tumbling blindly off the steepest cliff I’d ever stood atop as I fell in love with you.

A Match Will Have To Do

It may be arduous at times

finding the light in a world as despairing as ours

but I assure you my friend

that even in the darkest of corners

and the in the most desolate of silences

there will always be a glow

a whisper

to guide you away

from your solitary tribulation

and into the arms

of grace

and if you seek diligently

mercy will seek you

just the same

To Be Continued…

I’ve stayed awake all night writing letters that I’ll never sign

filling cup after cup with bitter coffee even though I never reach the bottom

before the fluid hurt gets cold, and loses its appeal

listening to 3 minutes of every song before skipping to the next

to avoid the bridge that I don’t know the lyrics to

never sitting down long enough to see the end of the film

I was watching just to procrastinate

I’ve only read half, maybe less, of just about every one of Bukowski’s books

and never have the heart to read until the last page

leaving unfinished poems strewn about the room from one corner to other

they are accompanied by cigarettes that saw 2 drags

before my lungs decided enough was enough

flowers far past the point of living that I had planted but never watered

they’re a melancholic sort of decoration that were given a purpose

but were never given a clear direction

and like us

I could bring all of these things to a close if I wanted to

for now, I think that this book in particular

is better left open