Have You Tried Turning It Off And Then Back On Again?

I have been hard wired
to crave neglect

Programmed to apologize
when I’m being abused

From the first girl
that took the time to learn my name

To the last boy
that told me he loved it

All I’ve known
is dejection

And when I’m finally free of it
longing starts

It has me running back
to the same dull pain

I’ve been forced to love.

On Second Thought

I used to think that blue eyes were beautiful

as everyone does

but I’ve been noticing lately an apathy behind them

whether it’s hidden well or it isn’t.

I used to think, too, it was only a single pair of blue eyes

that bore resemblance to that revile that I loved so much

but I’m getting better at looking past vibrant irises

and into a narcissistic stoicism.

Don’t get me wrong,

I still think that they’re beautiful,

a vivid and dispassionate warning that there is pain ahead,

and now that I’ve come to understand what lies behind them

I love them even more.

Anymore

I remember being at your side when you were breaking

doing everything that I could to keep your heart from aching.

I would have spent every day and every night telling you what you meant to me

making sure that you understood just how amazing I thought that you could be.

But when it came time for my walls to crumble

you left me in the dark to grope and stumble

somehow nowhere in sight, as I fell down into shambles

but still being there to drive the knife in by the handle.

Even now, I would still be there to hold your hand in the dark

when I know I mean nothing to you, and I’m the only one breaking my own heart

so, if you can’t bring yourself to bother with me too

then I don’t want to be the only one that gives a damn about you,

anymore.

One More Time

I don’t know who I am

and I don’t know where you are

but I’m calling for you in the dark

hoping that you can hear me

while you’re calling back

wishing that I would listen.

And we both stand, watching

a vicious cycle of tearful apologies

and broken promises

pounding on the only door

that stands to keep us apart.

 

The door that I used

to lock you out.