Taking Adequacey By The Handful

I’ve been laying up at night

taking adequacy by the handful

wondering how long it will be

before you tell me that it’s working.

Even if the dejection

stops pounding in my chest

then I’ll have to dwell

in the bitter, still tender loneliness

of the places, you never touched.

It looks as though

18 years just hasn’t been enough

to overcome my addiction

to everything you won’t give me.

Suicide Sunday

Sunday always feels like the last day of the week

even though it’s the first

the predeccesor of what is to come as you carry on

through all of the days that you don’t want to live

working your way back to Friday

just so you can fall back into bed as you wait for Saturday

but Saturday is over so quickly

that it almost feels like Sunday.

Have You Tried Turning It Off And Then Back On Again?

I have been hard wired
to crave neglect

Programmed to apologize
when I’m being abused

From the first girl
that took the time to learn my name

To the last boy
that told me he loved it

All I’ve known
is dejection

And when I’m finally free of it
longing starts

It has me running back
to the same dull pain

I’ve been forced to love.

One More Time

I don’t know who I am

and I don’t know where you are

but I’m calling for you in the dark

hoping that you can hear me

while you’re calling back

wishing that I would listen.

And we both stand, watching

a vicious cycle of tearful apologies

and broken promises

pounding on the only door

that stands to keep us apart.


The door that I used

to lock you out.


I’ll Only Give Up, When You Give In

I wonder if you think that I

am as witless as I feel,

falling to my knees and begging you for forgiveness

and purpose;

never realizing that when we first met

you had given to me all of the blatant certainty

I would ever need.

I wonder too, If I’ve ever made you as happy

as you have made me,

but then I think, “Of course,

there was I time that I must have.”.

Even though, I know I haven’t.

That realization, although sober, biting,

has never,  will never

stop me from trying.

Maybe that is just another facet

that makes us different,

but more likely,

it is the only thing about the two of us

that is the same.